It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
