i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
