She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The feeling are messing with the penis
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
pray to the hookup gods
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
