lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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