I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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