Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
