Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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