and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
