I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize