yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
