i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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