Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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