dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
