I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
