drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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