I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
