Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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