Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
