The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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