Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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