I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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