DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
