im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My bed smells like the plague
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
