Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
