dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
