We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
