would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
