just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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