he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
