I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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