Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
