As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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