As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
