my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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