Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
