Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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