Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
