I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
