And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
