i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We're too hungover to prance.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
