I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
