Kiss
Puke
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
