i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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