I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
