Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
