I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
