I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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