so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
