All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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