apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
