The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
