I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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