Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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