meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i drank out of a bidet.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
