I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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