Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
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