I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Non-Jews are for practice
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
