Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
