if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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