My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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