We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
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I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
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I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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