I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Sorry about my life...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
