The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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