that's an acceptable place to lick
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
