I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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