We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
